Daddy issues: can problems with a father in childhood spoil a relationship with a partner today

daddy issues

Will difficulties arise in adult life if the relationship with the parent did not work out

Daddy issues is an informal term for psychological problems due to a broken emotional connection with the father. For example, it is believed that if a father leaves the family, then an adult daughter will look for a replacement for his love in a relationship. We figured out whether the “father complex” really exists and how the absence of a parent can affect your life.  

How real are daddy issues

Daddy issues are problems with building a secure attachment that can arise if a person was raised by only one parent. Sometimes this term is used by psychologists, but more often it can be found in social networks.

For example, daddy issues are especially talked about on TikTok. Most often in a playful context, indicating possible sexual preferences. For example, the authors of some videos believe that if a girl has problems with her father, then most likely she likes almost the entire cast of The Avengers and hypermasculine dominant characters. She also loves dominance games, where she prefers to obey and likes “harder”. However, daddy issues are not about sexual preferences, but about psychological problems, and quite real ones.

When your relationship with your father becomes a problem

sexy couple with daddy issuesAccording to a study conducted by the HSE in 2015, the percentage of single parent families where a child is raised by only one parent is about 25%. At the same time, according to Anna Kuznetsova, Commissioner for Children’s Rights under the President of the Russian Federation, in 2017, in 5 out of 17 million Russian families, only a mother brings up a child.

Psychologists say that in childhood, the child’s attachment to one of the parents was violated, this can lead to problems in adulthood. For example, in the following cases:

  • The father was absent.
  • When the child was small, the father was in the family, but then disappeared. 
  • After the divorce, the child stayed with his mother, and his father appeared only occasionally and did not take much part in the upbringing.
  • The father was emotionally unavailable, cold or cruel.
  • The father used violence against family members, possibly sexual.

That is, daddy issues can arise if the father did not act as a full-fledged parent, did not inspire confidence and did not allow himself to be relied upon.

According to the American psychologist John Gottman, co-author of the book “Emotional Intelligence of the Child: A Practical Guide for Parents”, mom and dad from early childhood should satisfy the emotional needs of the child: protection, care, gifts and attention, spending time together, tenderness and physical contact. . When the father figure is not present in the child’s life as much as he needs it, then these needs may remain unfulfilled. There is a feeling of emptiness, tactile hunger and the need for love, which a person can shift to others – that is, to their partners. And also the relationship with the father can affectoverall relationship satisfaction in the future. This is evidenced by publications in the scientific journal Vestnik of St. Petersburg University.

Researchers from the University of Bihac note that a child who grew up without a father or with a father with whom attachment was broken Read the rest